i noe wat i wan 2 get... i noe where i planned to go... i noe wat i wan 2 dream for...
Being PY is hard... lots of stories to tel... lots of events to witness... lots of tings to settle... u surely dun wan 2 b me these few weeks and mths after...
salvage my situation... i hav to study for e better of myself and e goal to promote will b my target and my wild dreams will b drawn closer n closer each day... the days r nw over... drag my lazy self towards my university goal... tats e oni place i wan 2 end up... huge dreams... i've seen e disappointed look on my parents... prayed to god... seeking for enlightenment... i noe wat i wan... wat i dream for...
mayb i've wasted my life e past 2 yrs... being a stupid fool... nth is gotta bring me dwn from nw on... take it or leave it... tired of everyting tat r trying 2 ruin my day... stupid tis n tat... wat if i plan to stand firm whenever sumtin happen? b a happy man? b sum1 useful in society... sick and tired of ppl hu dun really care... so b it... u're nt goin to ruin my day...
zzzzz... september... i'll b home alone... purposely stayed in sg while my parents go to thailand n c e baby... hafta take part of cheers cup... i also wana c e baby... sianz... end of yr then get another chance to c... by then she will b like so big le... nt as puny as wat i've seen during may... i miss my bro's family alot... every fun 2 b in thailand... c tat boliao thai kid running ard in e hse... i mean another kid in e hse... always watch e same episode of tom n jerry... nt sianz de...
my most upset period is when i get sum cans of beer to gurp dwn my throat... being sober juz sux... relax man... its ok nw... i've made it clear to myself... i noe wat 2 do... wat 2 sae... how 2 act... where 2 go... hu to treasure... when to start and stop... enlightenment

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lazyiness has seemed 2 gotten over me... i haven touched my blog for like 1 mth? hmmz... okay... i tink i betra update 1 here...
yesterday was my b'day... n it was quite fun n interesting...
i always call ppl hu drink alcohol in e morning crazy... juz b4 assembly... my s1 buddies n i drank some vodka... wifout knowing e concentration of alcohol... i juz took a huge gurp... next moment... i find it hard 2 stand still on e parade square... wats funny was aaron trying 2 drink for e 1st time n gt somehow "drunk" or sumtin close 2 drunk...
detention class was e boring stuff of e day... zzz... stupid teacher was so fussy... she kept demanding us 2 clean here n there... even strands of hair she also cn c... woot... wat sharp eyes she hav... pratically... i keep using e backyard of e sch as disposal... i throw all rubbish 2 e backyard... e trash bin was so far... so lazy 2 take...
then badminton practise... my partner for e next competition is gotta b linus??!!! i tink i shd train him more 2 adapt 2 my way of playing... then we cn work well on e court... badminton practise was really a surpise... i juz went to training... then my mindset was 2 quickly rush back home... juz 2 meet my friends for dinner... then e coach was quite smart... he dragged e training till 7pm???!!!! then ronald suddenly announce tat mr soh was outside wanting 2 make announcement... when e whole team walked outside... a cake pop out in frnt of me... lol... i was like... er... i was stunned ther for like 2-3 sec? woot... nice!!!
at nite... dinner wif my sec sch homies... went to fiesta 2 eat... food was excellent... bt price is nt... almost fainted when looking at e bill... bt took home a $20voucher... n many take aways... bt in e end... my friends n i finshed e take aways under my block...
was veri happy... had a good time yesterday... thx guys!!! all e strange ideas u all came out yesterday 2 celebrate my b'day... thx guys
other than tis... many tings happen during e time when i din blog... my granny fell dwn at home.. bt i din get a chance 2 c her in e hospital... bt sunday i'll visit her at her home... hmmz...hope she's fine...
mid yr exams were horrible... i really hav nth 2 sae bout it... once again... i gt a FFF again... zzz... bt both languages i managed 2 pass... beta start studying soon... or army i shall go... bt plain tok oni... i dunno when will i start 2 study?
there r many tings i shd learn 2 accept... learn 2 do... learn 2 giv up... learn 2 forgive... yesterday i had another slpless nite... tinking bout stuff i had done b4... saga n saga of stories... chapters n chapters of my own life... episodes n episodes of my own drama... surely no 1 wanted 2 b in my shoes last few weeks... so many tings tat clashed 2gether at e same time... my chacrter will always show e carefree side of me... bt looking back at e nonesense i've done... all e juvenile stupid boliao arguements i had created... juz over e failure 2 forgive n forget... they asked me 2 make a wish yesterday... bt i seemed 2 blank out... i also dunno wat i want... i juz blankly blow out e candles... i noe every yr i wish for sumtin... i nvr get it... n every yr... its almost e same ting... in e end... it juz all gt screwed up... i remember during my sec4 days... my closest friend dal, did smth tat really touched my heart... he noes wat i wished for, magically... he tried 2 help alot to make it come true... my naive charcter tat time was so er... i dunno wat 2 sae... bt i stil remember a particular incident wher i was really happy... bt anyways tis sounds like a stupid childhood story...
i dunno wat else 2 sae... i tink i shd treasure watever i hav... my friends, my family... every1 ard me... until i die... all is lost... in tis unfair world... where nth is judgemental... where many tings tat u tink is urs... n it tend to go 2 other ppl's hands... where looks, fame n wealth rules all...
lastly... i had a whole list of ppl 2 thank... sumtin like credits like tat... here goes... a huge list... ppl wif caps r really those whom i wana thank wif all my heart... wif all ur greetings n celebrations i really wana thank u all
aaron, jeremiah, CLARE, chuan, may, s1, RONALD, WANLING, LINA, rest of badminton, DAL, PAT, DREW, weilung , jiayi, edmond e noob, deyan, mingkuan, weilung, keehong, amanda, esther, arif( ngee ann, who juz wished me happy b'day juz nw), dominic( who tinks my b'day is 2day), shakatash( out of nowhere he wished me happy b'day yesterday)... i tink i covered every1 i hope... lol

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sch reopens n everyting is gotta b a new beginning... i heard of many tings tat ppl missed doing... one example is me speaking english e whole day... my friends were mostly chinese speakers... oni in sch i use english often... tan chuan had nt swore for e past 1 mth??!! clare is even worse... she claimed tat she had nt laugh for 1 mth???!!! lol... i dunno these claims were true nt... bt they sund intresting... miss alot all those ppl whom i spent alot of time wif...
mid yr exams r comin... seriously... i had nt started anyting on e exams still!!! damn... all e late nite world cup had forced me nt 2 study... too tiring...
hair check is tml... hmmz... been caught by mr chang for having a mop hairstyle... actually nt oni him... many other teachers also noticed my hair... after i went PE... my hair start 2 come dwn... all my styling n folding of my hair is wasted... after a haircut... i feel neater n more "airy"...
e teachers seemed 2 miss us alot... they seemed abit different when they took our lessons... they tried 2 joke wif us often... especially jason chen... his jokes r totally... nt funny... i dun really get wat he saes... bt he seemed 2 find his own jokes funny... hmmz...
zzzz alot in class these 2 days... chinese class zzz chem zzzz physics zzzz... my whole time table hav 2 b changed again... during hols... my morning is like erm.. 1pm? my bedtime is always at erm... 5am? everyting seemed 2 b so strange when i hav 2 change my personal time table n my "body clock"
"wats worse tat i cn sae... tings r beta if i stay" - helena ( my chemical romance ) tings i dun understand i dun really wana hear n believe... it juz kills my morale n it suddenly juz jolt my inner anger... it may gotta make history reinact again... tis kinda feeling may tel me tat e word "trust" is juz bullcrap... e rumors, all e crap ppl start 2 tel me... it juz distracts n wanna bring e fury outta me... if i really wana try hard... tings may get beta... if you r tinking of it... dun try... you cn end up being a total traitor... though u r nt PY's closest friend bt you will betray e man if you try... u might end up in e flaming eyes of e victim... e wrath of e heartbroken... e look in e eyes of e betrayed... juz dun try... nt even tempted to... tis mayb e angriest part of e whole of my blog... bt it is true... if tis mistake is commited... e real anger will b unleashed... angry does nt mean swearing... tat is immature way of showing anger... i juz dun wan my bad memories my bad past 2 reinact once again... e state of heartbroken... e state of feeling betrayed... e state of being a fool... e state of being useless... juz dun dare 2 try

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took a break 4 ard 3weeks... hmmz... nw... i'm goin 2 add a super damn long update...
e world cup fever has as gt into me... i spent my usual slpless nites watching soccer at MK's hse... i saw alot of spetacular matches n quite alot of lousy matches too... sumtimes my heart nearly jump out by seeing e way they play... go spain!!! show me e spainish nachos amigo( anyhow de.. i oni noe these 2 spainsh words oni) power!!! joaquin(spanish player... nt me) pls play ur best!!! let spain lift e world cup!!!
thailand trip was quite fun... i saw my niece there... really a special baby gal... bt most of e time we stayed at my bro's hse... i was abit bored ther... lucky my psp saved my life... it accompanied me 4 e whole trip... it saved me frm traffic jams... long distance travel... times when i cnnt slp in e hotel... though there was a TV ther... e shows r all in thai!!! tom yam goog(tom yam prawn), sawadikah(welcome), kar koon kup(thank you), keng(water), moo(cow), hong nam pu chai( toilet boy)... also learnt abit of thai... as u cn c... quite nonesense la... everyting i learn doesn't make sense...
my hands start 2 itch every nw n then... haven played badminton since i came back frm thailand... wat i always do is 2 take out my racquet n wipe wif a piece of cloth... zzzz... my friends
dun really play badminton... they r mostly soccer n basketball players... bt my friends r gotta get jerseys soon... quite cool... each of us has a diff no. & name... mine is proudly no.1 ... i was a keeper of e team... bt nw i play totally like sum1 hu doesn't noe how 2 play... bt they r nice enuf 2 reserve me e no.1 jersey...
zzz... my PW grp... no1 has made a move 2 ask every1 2 do sumtin 2 prepare 4 e project... it seems tat i'm e oni 1 in e grp hu is worried bout such tings... damn...
sunday, i'm goin go 2 e bbq tat weney organised... hmmz... its a long time i get 2 c both weney n weixiang... i wonder how they're doin... i dunno hu else is goin tat day... its like a long time no c sort of ting... e whole hols... i hav nt seen anyone frm MI yet... other than my badminton peeps... i wonder how every1 is doin nw... hmmz... 2 balance between world cup n tat bbq... i tink i'm gotta make a wise choice by goin 2 bbq... "this is for esther... i've lived tis guilt for long... i admit my reckless swearing incident is god damned stupid... i had a bad day tat day... n i wanna make tis chance at e bbq 2 apologise... i noe my temper was horrendous... i try 2 control it even though my temper gets over my head..."
3 weeks le... i wonder how u've been... been happy or moody... wan 2 c ur face... wanna c how u've been nwadays...

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i'm here waiting 4 e trip 2 thailand... b4 tat i'll post my last update b4 i go 2 thailand...
many tings happen nwadays... really many... yesterday juz took e GP paper... it was ok... bt e papaer 2 was really hard... sumtin 2 do wif jobless ppl... wat sia? i dun quite understand... i almost fell aslp when doin my paper... finally i finshed my AQ qns... i really fell aslp... my head was too heavy... too tired... too bored...
next, we went 2 play lan... it was nt a happy 1... many tings corked up in e end... jeremiah had 2 meet his gf... aaron hav 2 go along wif him... linus left suddenly... then oni afew ppl were left in e lanshop... alot of arguements were in e lanshop too... tis is a prob when diff ppl wans 2 ask thier friends along wif them 2 play...
i cnnt attend badminton camp... sianz... it clashes wif my thailand trip... i predicted it 2 b fun... its less of training n more of team building... its goin 2 b fun... heard frm rumors tat there might b a new captain... hu will b at e helm? i hope they choose sum1 skilled n b able 2 lead... for e team for e sch... bt anyways... i dun quite mind hus at helm next... i usually oni care 2 perform my best n make e sch proud... bt i really hope sheldon cn promote himself 2 captain... he has both skill n leadership... e others do nt hav both these qualities... they oni either hav skill or leadership...
they sae i've been too quiet n too moody e whole week... quite true actually... especially miah... he keep asking me n toking 2 me bout y i was feeling moody... i even quarrelled wif my friend mutalib... acutally he's juz too much... we already had a cold war 4 like 4 days... he's juz too much... bt he stil tinks i'm stil wrong... i may b stubborn... bt he had picked e wrong ting n wrong time to shoot me at... i oni cn sae he's largely at fault... or else i'll nt react so harshly at him... "talib... if u come across my blog these few days... if u wan 2 tok 2 me about sumtin... u beta dun add an innocent party inside our conversion... n ur insults 2 tat person is totally too much... do it like adults... tok like adults... i've less paitence in tis sense... e oni apology i cn giv u nw is tat i'm sorri 2 mention ur name on my blog..."
i tink my thailand trip will b an escape route 2 forget bout my problems 4 awhile... too many tings juz happened these few days... i hope tat i should b in a beta mood when i come back... n i cn solve tings 1 by 1... hmmz... i shall get a beta phone frm thailand coz its highly susidized by my bro... next stop... " thailand bangkok!!!"
" i dun wan 2 c u sad... 2 c ur smile is wat is goin 2 make me gald too... a great sacriface, ppl might tink... bt i dun tink so... its sumtin tat drives me forward... n sumtin tat i hope 2 c... everyday... everytime..."

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stil slpless nites... days of slpless nites... its so damn energy draining these days as many probs plagued me...
carnival day was quite fun... enjoyed myself... bt it seems tat i dun find mood 2 enjoy 2day... i myself dunno y i feel like tat... mayb emotional or sumtin... during 2day's dota warcraft competition... it seems tat i din pay any attention 2 e game... my mind was in a mess... i'm also e main guy 2 counter tat whole team... i seems tat i've brought my team dwn due 2 myself nt paying attention... seriously... i dun seem 2 figure out wat i tat bt it seemed 2 bother me alot n changed me 2day...
many problems 2 share wif bt i dunno hu 2 approach... dunno hu will lend me a listening ear... i always wanna tel miah or dom some of my probs... bt i cnnt seem 2 bring myself 2 sae them... words seemed 2 choke... mind is blank... thoughts r empty... oni recently i cnnt take much pressure anymore... totally distracted n stuff in everyting i do... some of my friends started 2 notice tat i'm always in a daze... juz like juz nw's dota match... i was totally stunned or stoned in frnt of e com n distracted... oni part of my mind is playing e game... e other part of my mind dun seem 2 noe wat i'm doin juz nw...
juz nw i hav a tok wif weixiang at e carnival... he asked me hows my studies... i oni replied " it sux"... he recommanded me 2 go poly tis yr... as he reliased tat i hav worries coping wif my studies... bt i told him tat i dun wan 2 leave MI... there r seriously tings tat i dun bear 2 leave if i leave MI... its like i'm destined 2 stay here... e class... my friends... e surroundings... my badminton team... u... i will miss lots of tings if i choose 2 leave MI...
i dunno whether u feel angry bout me nt... i always feel tat way... i scare tat my fear is back again n i will mess up everyting again... then even friends also will nt b possible... sigh... i dunno wat cn i do nw... i wanna do lots of tings... i wanna let u noe tat i choose u nt coz i'm greedy... coz i'm true n i really hav real feelings n i wun b like tat god damn farid... hu likes 1 then likes another 1 then another 1... treat every1 like his spare tire like tat... i sae i'll wait 4 u... 1yr has passed... another 10yrs also no prob...
mid yr exams r comin... 1st time in MI i felt veri pressurised by exams... i wan 2 study n promote tis yr... no... nt oni promote... i'll score gd marks... as i've said... i dun wan 2 leave MI... so a promotion is e oni way 2 stay in MI n stay afloat in e challenge 2wards e university...

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TJC 5- MI 0!!!
tis is e toughest match ever... its like singapore trying 2 beat brazil in soccer... how sia? nearly every1 scored ZERO for every set... 1st singles leoric 0-15 0 -15... 2nd singles dickson 0-15 0-15 3rd singles sheldon ?-15 3-15... i tink is a horrible score... 1st doubles gay boy n ah pui 0-15 0-15... 2nd doubles me and ronald 3-15 0-15...
wa... trashing sia!!! bt nvm la... wats over n over... MI has been knocked out of e 'A'div... bt at least we won 1 sch... SFMS... we almost win 1 match against CJC... 2day my performance is horrible... i gt reprimanded... coach wan me 2 play like yesterday... bt i juz cnnt seemed 2 play well... my performance 2day is rated F9... haha... actually nth much 2 sae... TJC is too strong... it seemed tat MI cnnt even match wif any player in their team...
nw we r facing 1 more problem... new players r comin in... potential talents... my "rice bowl" is in danger!!! i cnnt totally guarantee tat i cn play in e next competition... bt i will work hard 2 stalbalize my position in e team... nw i get 2 b a 1st draft pick 4 doubles... if new players come in... n i slack somemore... i will become e last draft pick 4 doubles sia!!!
2day victor soh treated us a meal @ soeul garden... fun sia!!! laughed alot... we totally made fun of gay boy 2day... he damn blur la... we say we hav training at sentosa... n he really believe... we asked him 2 bring badminton racket n he really intended 2 bring... LOL!!! i wander wat will he bring tml 4 sentosa trip... happy happy @ sentosa tml!!! coach comin too... uber cool la!!!

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